After braving the F2TF 5K, we realized we run most errands when the boys are asleep. The boys don’t get out much, and we decided we need to change that. (You should have seen them at a restaurant…)  In UT we stopped at Target, placed the twins in a double cart, and realized they had only sat in a shopping cart once (Well Cannon had, Cruiz was strapped to my chest in my moby wrap) The twins went nuts, it was like the most exciting thing they had ever done, screaming with delight, leaning over the sides, and pulling things off shelves. Pat was so embarrassed, he kept saying, “We’re that family…” haha

Yes Pat, we’re definitely that family.

We are trying to introduce our boys to life outside our house (and Grandma’s house) so braved a trip to Red Robin.

To the Eastern Idaho Fair.
The twins were loved the tiger’s ear as much as I did.

Family Home Evening at the Idaho Falls Temple Visitors Center.

What have I learned?

• Online shopping is the way to go :)
• More stores need to invest in double carts.
• People love to tell me I have my hands full.
• And I should make Pat go more places with us, the way he reacts is hilarious.

My heart broke today when I read two stories that were sent to me.

After losing Preslee, I told Pat I hope we will be well off in the future, because I want to be able to do things for others that have been done for us.

I want to be able to afford to fly a family three hours away so they can be waiting at the hospital when their daughter arrives after being life-flighted. I want to be able to send money to a family staying at PCMC so they can afford to eat in the cafeteria and stay close to their loved one. I want to be able to help a family pay for their child’s headstone. I want to be able to send a family who finds themselves buried in grief a gift card to Texas Roadhouse with a sweet card telling them to have a fun night out.

Though we’re not at the point in life, we still try to give when we can.

Anyway, here are the two stories I read today. Even a dollar helps.

The first, a family from my own town, Rigby ID. I cannot imagine losing all three of my children to a genetically inherited disorder.

{The Lear Family}

The second, a mom to five kids, was diagnosed with cancer while 26 weeks pregnant with her sixth child. She was recently told she had days, maybe weeks left to live.

{The Taylor Family}

Here’s to hoping we can change these two family’s lives the way so many of you did ours.

One thing I’ve learned about grief is it doesn’t go away by ignoring it. Grief tends to stay close, and without warning pounds on the door wanting to be let in. The longer it is made to wait, the angrier it becomes, and usually becomes harder to get rid of—reminding me that we have a life long relationship, just in case I forgot.

But I’ve learned if I’m the one to invite grief in, take it by surprise, and do so before it has time to build up, the visits tend to be shorter, and not nearly as exhausting. 

For whatever reason this fourth year has been hard. I’ve been an emotional wreck since July.

It’s thrown me off. In a way, I’ve felt like I’ve regressed,
and after some major thought I realized why grief has taken control.

Year three, I didn’t let grief in.
I started the year off with a bang by having two babies, and that entire year (which is now a blur) was left with no time to grieve. Back in July I finally cracked the door open when I opened those clothes bins to sort through Preslee’s clothes, and without warning, grief slipped in and returned with a vengeance.
There was a lot of time to make up for.

To be honest, its been overwhelming.
I’m back to crying when I’m alone, usually in the car or the shower, similar to how it was just after the funeral.
It’s been frustrating, but I know it’s a process.

It’s just been surprising. I would have never guessed people would experience and be forced to process so many emotions FOUR years after losing someone.

The past couple of months I found myself retracting.
I hid from the world for a little while.
I quit writing as frequently on the blog.
I avoided phone calls and rarely returned any. (Sorry!)
I turned most friends down when they wanted to have play dates.
It became too much.

So I guess this is a major reason why I continue to write.
To help people understand grief.
I didn’t understand any of this before I was thrown into it.

If you know someone who has lost someone close to them, understand four years later it still hurts.
The pain can still be debilitating, and acts of kindness are still appreciated.

Like the friend who dropped off breakfast the day Preslee should have started Kindergarten.
Something so small to many, was huge to me.
Or the friend who gave us the amazing drawing up above right before the year mark. It was drawn by another Angel Mom, who she sent the most amazing/understanding card along with it. {Find her work here}

Now that I finally feel like I have a hold on grief, that its been pushed to the back of the house, and is about to be thrown out, I’ll continue to remind myself that I can do hard things.
Or that grief will not always win,
because with help from Christ, all things are possible.

For the past couple of years my dad (who owns 3 Wendy’s restaurants) has donated money to the annual Primary Children’s Radiothon in our area. This year, he invited me to take donations over the phone with him, while my mom watched the boys.

It didn’t take long for my dad to tell the lady in charge that I had experienced Primary’s for myself, and before I knew it, I was telling our story on four different radio stations. (I only cried during 3 of the interviews). We love Primary Children’s, and everyone who worked with us there. It was neat to go with my dad, for one hour, he matched any donation that came in. It was crazy to see 10 people answering ringing phones and see the increase of donations given after I shared my story on each station. There were also other families sharing their experiences at Primary’s. It was a neat experience, and talking to so many who had a connection to the hospital themselves. I asked to come back next year :)

You can watch one of the interviews {here}.The radio station recorded it.

Thank you to all who donated, and there is still time donate!
(Today is the last day) Call (208)529-1057.

Or visit https://primarychildrens.thankyou4caring.org/richbroadcasting/radiothon

Exactly a year ago, I signed up for the Feel Great in 8 challenge. I loved it (I did lose weight). With the Holiday seasons quickly approaching, I know it will help me keep things in moderation. I tend to go a little crazy during this time of year  :) The other thing I liked about the program was that it pushed me to be better in different aspects other than just eating/exercise. I have decided to sign up again, and I do so much better when I’m held accountable with people I know! (My mom joined in last time, hopefully she’ll do it again). So who’s with me? I’m extending an invited to all of you!

Here are the details.

Feel Great in 8
The October group will run from October 6th – November 30th. (8 weeks) I know what you are thinking, but don’t worry, Halloween and Thanksgiving are both free days. This makes it doable.

For eight weeks you gain and/or lose points based on healthy or unhealthy choices. Points are reported online at www.feelgreatin8.com. Each participant contributes $20. $10 to the prize money “pot” and $10 for website creation/upkeep and to pay the host. At the end of the eight weeks, the competitors with the most points will get a share of the prize money! There are also weekly motivational prizes.

Tiffany has been hosting challenges for over 7 years now. In the past, winners have gotten as much as $350, and the greatest 8 week weight loss so far was 36 pounds! Take a look at her blog as well, she shares some great healthy recipes.

So who’s in?
Go here to register.

If you sign up, add me on MyFitnessPal under Ajsullenger!

Here’s to getting healthy and hopefully earning a little prize money just in time for Christmas!

 Patrick – is one busy boy! School started the second week of September, and he is currently taking 14 credits. He is enrolled in a research course in place of an internship, (Research deals with cardiorespiratory fitness in crossfitters compared to runners). Classes start at 7:45 AM and he is gone most of the day. He rushes home to spend time before the boys go to bed and then dives into homework. He graduates in December, (10 weeks, just 10 weeks! But who’s counting?) and is literally ecstatic about it. He was recently released as Gospel Doctrine teacher and currently enjoying not having a calling and spends his time chasing babies in the hall :)

 Ashley – is staying busy. The house has been neglected for nearly two years (being massively pregnant and having the boys) so she’s been playing catch up with deep cleaning the house. She’s finally found time to really cook again, and the family is thrilled to be eating better and healthier. When the babies nap, she’s been working with Ledger on letter recognition and sounds. She is still serving on the publications committee and helps with the monthly ward newsletter.

Preslee – is still influencing. Ashley and the boys have been making it a priority to get out of the house each week, and when people see the boys together, they tend to recognize who they are. Ashley has had multiple people stop her and share how their story has influenced their life. Ashley was overwhelmed with gratitude when a lady stopped her in Target and handed her a $40 gift card, and explained she reads the blog.

Ledger – is one funny kid. We’re savoring this age, even though he’s an emotional three year old, he really is one loving kid. He’s constantly telling us how much he loves us, how we’re his best friends, and giving us hugs and kisses. Just today he told his mom that he wants to be married to her forever. He’s all about Paw Patrol and Rescue bots. He suddenly has learned who his brothers are and no longer calls them both Cannon. He’s been talking and asking a lot about Preslee, his little brain seems to be attempting to figure the whole situation out.

Cannon – is a pretty happy kid. He plays well by himself, and with others. He seems to be developing an imagination, and it is fun to watch him play in his own little world. He loves hats and and is always trying to put something on his head or around his neck. He recently started giving kisses which melts his momma’s heart, along with walking around the house repeating “Momma,” all day long.

 Cruiz – is a climber, but ironically is afraid of heights. He climbs on everything, and then screams for mom to let him down. Let’s be honest, out of all the kids, Cruiz requires the most attention…but there’s an upside, he always gives back by wanting to cuddle, which makes it all worth it. He’s a passionate kid, so when he’s up, he’s really up, which makes life fun.  He flirts with anyone who looks at him, and uses his irresistible grin to melt any lady ooing and ahhing over the fact he’s a twin.

(Cruiz, Cannon)

Twins – They get their own category, because together they can accomplish what it takes five kids to do. Our house is baby proofed, yet they still manage to destroy things on a daily basis. We still call them Seek and Destroy, because there are days I feel like their sole purpose in life is to destroy our house. They now fight, tackle, punch, pull hair, and have even given each other bloody noses. They’ll be fighting, and then within seconds can be found hugging and giving each other a kiss.

They are rarely separated, but over the past month there have been a few times when one baby (the trouble maker) needs to be removed from the situation to help calm all three boys down. They’ve been placed in their crib for a few minutes while the other two calm down. Within minutes the twin not in the crib, will notice his brother is missing and will literally walk around the house looking for him and then pound on their bedroom door to be let in. Once the door is open, he’ll sit at the bottom of his brother’s crib and begin to babble to him, almost like he is saying, “It’s okay dude, she doesn’t know what she’s doing. I’ve got ya.” all the while glaring at mom… It’s the first time I’ve seen them become super protective of one another.

Though it might sound chaotic, this stage is by far the easiest we’ve experienced with both boys, and we’re still trying to embrace the chaos.

Now we are anxiously awaiting Ashley’s Birthday and continue to discuss Halloween on a daily basis.

Are any of your boys obsessed with Paw Patrol like ours?
We own Marshall, and I think a few more puppies will have to be on our Christmas list this year.
Ledger talks about each puppy like they are his best friends.

Ledger and I were both absolutely thrilled when I discovered these Halloween coloring pages,
along with these adorable printable puppy masks!
They have kept him entertained for days!
I think the only time Ledger has taken off his mask was for church :)
He’s obsessed, and I love that it has sparked his little imagination.

(Ledger cracked a joke about Chase (The mask he is wearing) and busted up just in time for this picture) 

We’ve had so much fun with these I thought I would share.
Are any of you doing any fun crafts/activities for Halloween?

I wrote about this event back in August, but I thought these two videos captured the feeling of the race perfectly so I wanted to share. It was fun to see family and friends in their Team Preslee shirt again.

Each team was encouraged to put together a Giving Tree (What the donations were being raised for) and deliver it to someone battling a life threatening illness. Team Preslee just picked their recipient and will be putting a tree together hopefully in the next few weeks.

Thank you Anything For a Friend letting us be apart of something so incredible,
we can’t wait to spread a little hope.

Find Ambit Films’ video {here}

And here is the second…

Boys, let me tell you about today…

Today I woke up to one of you crying. When I opened the door I saw Ledger laying in bed playing peek-a-boo with Cruiz across the room. Cannon, you had wet through your diaper and were obviously upset. :) But the giggles coming from Ledger and Cruiz were contagious, and before long Cannon, you joined in. The perfect way to start out our day—laughing.

The laughing didn’t last long, once we walked out of the bedroom all three of you broke down, Ledger explaining, “We’re hungry, mom!” The twins held on to my legs and cried while I desperately tried to make all of you breakfast. I gave up on eggs, and gave in to cereal. You were all thrilled when I poured Life into your cereal bowls. Cruiz, you didn’t eat much, you were more interested in feeding Pog…

We played hard today. The front room instantly became a disaster, which we are all used to. Cannon, you ripped a few books up while I was changing your brother in the back room. Cruiz, you fell off the couch and practically did a back flip and landed on your neck, which led to about 30 minutes of crying in my arms, and me making sure you were really okay. Later, I heard a thud in your bedroom and Ledger came running out and exclaimed, “Don’t worry mom, I didn’t hurt my brain inside my head!”

I already forgot what I fed you all at lunch, my guess is a PB & J sandwich. And Cruiz, I’m sure you fed half of it to Pog…

Cannon, you refused to sleep (Just like the night before) so I took you out of the room so Cruiz could get a nap in. You became angry when I didn’t pull the baby gate down to let you in to the kitchen while Ledger and I finished a task, so you did what made sense in your little head, you stood in front of the door to your room and and yelled until you woke your brother up so you wouldn’t be alone. Let me tell you, I was thrilled.

Your dad didn’t make it home in time for dinner, and with three sleep deprived kids, I gave in and fed you before five. The few minutes of silence was completely worth it. Nobody wanted to eat the rice, chicken, and black beans, so I took turns feeding all three of you. Pretending the spoon was an airplane, convinced Ledger the meal was edible.(Okay, maybe it was was the bribe that anyone who finished their food got a piece of my leftover Birthday cake). Cannon, you got sick of waiting for your turn, and while I was focusing on Ledger, picked up Cruiz’s plate and threw it at the baby gate. The food landed on the carpet in the hallway and generously fed Pog your brother’s entire meal… (No exaggeration, I promise!)

After dinner, all three of you were in hysterics, and for all of our sanity Cannon and Cruiz, you were put to bed by 6:45. By the time I came out to grab Ledger, well, he was asleep on the couch. Ledger, when I lifted you up to take you to bed, I heard, “Mom, I lub you, and you’re the prettiest.”

My heart instantly melted, and just like that, everything that happened today was worth it. Motherhood is a crazy adventure, and at times I feel like I have NO idea what I’m doing. But thank you. Thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for being so forgiving when I lose my cool with all of you. Thank you for the millions of hugs and kisses that are given to me each day. And thank you for filling my once empty arms, I know you’ll never completely understand, but just know your chaos saves me, even if it seems like I don’t appreciate in the moment.

I could go on and on about how much I love you, but you’ll have to forgive me, putting you to bed at 6:45 means an early morning for all of us, so I’m off to bed myself. See you bright and early.

Love,
Momma 

It seems like the topic of death is continually being brought up in my life. People tend to share stories of families they know who have lost someone. I’ve been surprised how often comments are made regarding any family who has left pictures or personal items up of their loved one after they passed away—their tone implying they think it just isn’t right, (I’m not meaning a shrine, just a picture or two). Over the past few years, I’ve learned many people feel after someone dies, they are gone, therefore, there’s no need to mention that person again, or keep anything related to them. The thought of anything tied to death seems to scare the people I’m talking to. And I should mention each person I’ve had this similar conversation with has never lost anyone close to them.

As I’ve tried to relate to this way of thinking, I remember being invited to Sunday dinner at my FHE brother’s home while attending college at BYU-I. While waiting for dinner, I remember they had a wall decorated with a picture of each of their kids in their family room. I walked over to look at he pictures, as I glanced over each picture, my eyes rested on one of their teenage daughter. Something was different about it... I realized all the pictures were up to date, except for this one. Before I could think too much into it, my FHE brother quietly stated she had passed away years ago. Death was something I wasn’t used to back then, and I remember freezing, not really sure what I should say back to him. But the thing that caught me off guard was how nervous he looked as he waited for me to respond.

Fast forward just a few years later, and suddenly I’m placed in his shoes. Countless people have entered our home and when their eyes rest on a picture of Preslee, many act uncomfortable or even nervous. It used to make me feel uncomfortable, and many times made me feel like I was doing something wrong by keeping Preslee’s picture up in my own home. I now understand my FHE brother’s nervous response.

But the truth is, I have multiple pictures of our daughter displayed in our home. I also have little subtle reminders that strangers wouldn’t realize have any meaning. And if you think I’m crazy for doing so, here’s a little glimpse inside my head as to why I love each picture or reminder.

It’s been four years since I lost my daughter, and there hasn’t been one single day that she hasn’t crossed my mind. As time continues onward, I realize just like every other mother who continues to care or think about her child when they are out of sight, I do too. I think about Preslee, just as I do about my boys. Death didn’t strip away Preslee’s relation to me. She is still my daughter and I still love he fiercely. When grief consumed me, I honestly tried not to think about her at times, but I couldn’t do it. I found it’s innate, it’s part of being a mother, and as painful as it is at times, I now find it a blessing. Even though people might see our situation as our daughter is dead, we view our situation as our daughter is in a different place. Though we’re forced to be separated during the remainder of our lives, I know for a fact Preslee continues to exist—just somewhere else.

So it only seems natural to keep up a few reminders of our daughter, we didn’t disown her because of her death. And trust me, the separation is painful, horrific at times. I leave pictures up to remind me—remind me that it isn’t the end.

Preslee’s pictures mingled in with the rest of the family pictures reminds us that our family can be together forever, and teaches her brothers they have a sister.

The shadow box in my room filled with Preslee’s sandals make me smile each time my eyes fall on it. I’m reminded of the chubby toddler feet I squeezed in there on a daily basis—that I am still her mother.

The drawing of Preslee in Christ’s arms reminds Pat and myself that we don’t have to fear, that she is being taken care of. It also reminds us there are things we need to do in order to be reunited with her.

I know I’m not alone in this way of thinking. I remember a friend telling me that her brother died many years ago while in high school. She smiled when she shared that to this day, you can see smudged kiss marks on her brother picture. Her mom still walks by and from time to time gives it a kiss.

Even if you still don’t understand, and the topic of death still seems…well, scary. Please go easy on momma’s like me. While you get to enjoy thousands of moments with your children, we’re left with two things—memories and heartache.

And if a picture sparks a good memory, I’ll take that over heartache every day.

 

We were lucky. Extremely lucky. Our first two babies were easy, and have I mentioned amazing sleepers? Then, SURPRISE! Our third pregnancy blessed us with two babies – identical twin boys, who weren’t so easy :) Not only were we outnumbered, but just after being released from the NICU, crying rocked our world. There was SO.MUCH.CRYING! When one boy fell asleep, the other started up. We even heard crying in our heads when they weren’t crying, and I was convinced I had gone crazy, along with our two year old - who after about two months literally snapped, especially in confined spaces…

Out of desperation I began researching colic remedies and had a difficult time finding one place that gave me more than one suggestion. After hours of research, reading the different suggestions many of you gave us, and spending 7 months with two colicky babies, I’ve finally compiled what we learned.

1. HEATING PAD - Cruiz never reacted to the heating pad, but it did help Cannon calm down a little. Put it around their tummy, and then swaddle them up. This is the heating pad we use.

2. GRIPE WATER– I know gripe water is the first thing people recommended, and is pretty inexpensive, so I’d start here. There are many different kinds, and we tried them all, but we noticed the gripe water with peppermint helped the most, but still didn’t do much for our twin boys.

3. COLIC TABLETS - We started off with these colic tablets. These worked great with Ledger, our second child, but didn’t have the strength we needed with our twins. I was later told to dissolve them in gripe water, and the mix of the two does the trick.

4. GAS RELIEF DROPS– Our babies were gassy. It’s true. I bought these gas relief drops and after I gave them a dose, they would start burping and passing gas, which always makes for a happy baby.

5. ESSENTIAL OILS– So many people suggested oils! Lavender is known for calming, and peppermint helps with pain, I know many people who have benefited from essential oils, but it didn’t seem to help our boys. I was told to drop a couple drops of peppermint in a bottle and it would help soothe their stomachs. But I love the idea of a natural remedy to help with my babies.

6.COLIC CALM– Oh baby, this stuff is AMAZING! It’s pricey, but it’s a small price to pay for sanity. Don’t let the black color turn you off, with a little spray and wash, it came out of everything. We called it black magic in our house. It didn’t solve our problem, but it would help sooth them almost instantly. Until we worked with a doctor this was by the most helpful product. Find it at Walgreens or Amazon.

7. BABY ZANTAC OF PREVACID– Our babies spit up everything all hours of the day, and then would scream terribly. It seemed like their spit up was burning their throats. It took us about three months to figure this one out, but both babies had acid reflux. Our pediatrician prescribed baby zantac, and the boys were given two small doses a day and it’s made the biggest difference! (Quite common in preemie twins)

8. CHIROPRACTOR– I had a friend refer me to Madison Ridge Chiropractic in Rexburg, ID because they work on children up to a year for free. I thought if it didn’t cost me anything, it wouldn’t hurt to try. To be honest I was skeptic, but after Dr. Roderick explained the process, and showed me what the babies would feel I said lets give it a try. The first couple of weeks I went 2-3 times each week, and then about once a week until they were 8 months. And it seriously makes the BIGGEST difference! Every time we went, within 4-6 hours both boys will poop at the exact same time, (I kid you not) and most often a blowout, and would instantly smile, and fall asleep for hours. The chiropractor explained colic is related to stomach problems, and when their little bodies are aligned, everything inside runs better and more effectively. Both boys had issues filling a diaper regularly, and our visits to the chiropractor fixed that problem. We were also grateful because we learned Cruiz had torticollis, where his neck was kinked and he always looked to the right, (common for twins, because its such a tight fit in the womb). Dr. Roderick fixed his little neck, and I grew to love the man. After a couple of months the boys both boys started acting a little better for awhile, and I took a few weeks off thinking I didn’t need to go anymore, but slowly they returned to their old ways. Once I returned, the crying lessened. I’m a full - fledged believer of this one!

9. PROBIOTICS– I had a surprising amount of comments left about this item, so I gave it a try. Healthline.com says, “Researchers at an Italian university reported that giving infants a probiotic during their first three months of life can help prevent stomach problems like colic from developing.” To my amazement, it helped. When I added this along with the zantac, we almost had normal babies…almost. It may seem pricey, but a little goes a long ways. This is the brand we used.

10. NUTRAMIGEN– Seven months later, I finally hit my breaking point, and ended up at my pediatrician’s office on a Saturday morning in tears. After discussing the boys’ history, our pediatrician wanted to switch their formula. We first tried Enfamil Gentlease, and later switched to Nutramigen (formula to help with a cows milk allergy) It’s crazy expensive, but learned from many of our readers that WIC will help with it, and if you have twins, contact your pediatrician, and even Enfamil, they help twin moms out. But within 3 days, (It takes 3 days for formula to get out of a baby’s system) our boys stopped crying, and even began sleeping at night. It was the first time we saw our boys actually function. This formula completely changed our lives, learn more about it {here}.

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Here’s to hoping something on the list helps. If not, give me a call, I’ll be more than happy to come babysit so you can drive to the nearest frozen yogurt shop, eat your emotions away, and sit in silence, all the while giving yourself a pep talk, that you really can get through the next day… which I did a little too often :)

And now that I’m on the other end, I can say it was totally worth it.

 

When our kids reach the age of about 15 - 18ish months, life becomes bittersweet in our home. I remember feeling this way with Ledger, but this time around, this stage is much more sweet. We’ve been blown away how much the twins remind us of Preslee. I know most of it is due to toddler mannerisms, but between both boys, they have sparked so many different memories, helping me focus on the good. As I’ve seen little glimpses of the girl we miss so much, there have been moments I’ve felt Heavenly Father urge me to slow down and enjoy this stage with Cannon and Cruiz, reminding me how blessed we truly are.

(Cruiz)

Whether it’s Cannon’s grin, slobbery kisses, or the way he calls out Momma each morning, Cruiz’s eyes, the way he sleeps, or his cuddly moments due to teething; or how both boys react when I point the blow dryer in their face, followed by dance parties in our tiny little bathroom, my heart feels like it’s about to explode.

So please forgive me if things slow down around here for a little bit, (I know they already have).
I’ve made it a goal to listen to the prompting and enjoy every moment with these boys for the next little while. I know each stage passes by all too quickly and I won’t get this sacred time back.

Today I’m feeling extremely grateful Heavenly Father trusted me enough to be their mom,
I love all 4 of you more than you know.

After graduating with a degree in Elementary Education, I appreciate a good file folder game, especially when kids can play with little effort expected on my part. Ledger, my three year old, knows each letter in the alphabet, but I’ve noticed he struggles with a few lower case letters, (Most books are all capital letters). When my friend posted an image similar to this on instagram, I knew I needed to recreate it into a file folder game and make a few changes to help with capital and lower case letter recognition. I also added an extra set of wheels to help with reading in the future :)

 
Alphabet Train

What You Need:

9 Pieces of cardstock or construction paper (I let Ledger pick the colors)
Velcro dots
Black marker
Scissors
Somewhere to laminate each boxcar/wheels and train
Tape
The two printables posted below in the box app

• Cut 4 pieces of construction paper in half and write three CAPITAL letters on each half, (Only two letters will be left on the last boxcar). Save a little room below each letter to fit the velcro dots.
• Print the wheels printable from below, write lower case letters on each wheel. (I used three different colors for the wheels) I also wrote one word starting with each letter for when Ledger begins reading. Three pieces of paper was enough to do both.
• I had a few wheels left over so I added each member’s name of our family. If I did it again, I’d leave a few empty for back ups, we’ve already lost the “i”.  
• Print the black train, also shared below.
• Laminate the train, each box car, and three wheel pages. (I figured I’d laminate it if I was going to put the work into it. My boys are so rough, I knew it would be destroyed after one use).

• Cut out the train, box cars, and wheels. Add a velcro dot under each capital letter on the boxcars, and on the back of each wheel.
• Tape the train and each boxcar on the wall and you’re ready to go!

I love this File Folder game because it really does challenge my three year old. He can sing the alphabet song, and recognize every capital letter, but has rarely seen the entire alphabet listed in front of him and it takes him a minute to find some of the letters. When he matches a wheel to each letter, we practice the different sounds each letter makes.

 (He was thrilled to find his name)

When we’re finished I pack it up into a vanilla file folder and put it in the bin with the other file folder games we have. It makes it easy to rotate games so Ledger doesn’t get sick of the games.

Enjoy!

Last year my SIL busted out an activity in minutes and it was a huge hit with the kids. Today I was a little desperate for something to help me entertain my kids, so I grabbed a couple of apples, a few toothpicks, and some finger foods, and repeated the activity.

Apple Turkeys

Supplies

• apples
• toothpicks
• finger foods, I used cheerios, raisins, cheese, and goldfish. Ledger wanted to add feet afterward, so we added popcorn for feet, but the turkey was eaten before I snapped a pic showing the feet :)

Stick four toothpicks on the top of each apple, throw the finger foods in separate bowls and let the kids go to town with it. Let them snack on the food while they do it :) My twins who were too young to participate on their own had fun handing me each item from their tray and watching me put it on the toothpicks.

Oh, the mask…Batman (AKA Cannon) wears that mask the majority of each day and it was not coming off just to make turkeys. He really did wear it the entire time. :) 

Ledger had just as much fun picking the turkey apart and eating gobbling it right up!

I hope your kids enjoy it as much as mine did.

Our very first Christmas together, Pat and I received a journal from Terry, Pat’s step mom. Inside, we found a talk given by Elder Eyring on the topic of gratitude. Since then, I’ve made it a goal to read it each year.

Elder Eyring encourages individuals to write a few lines in a journal each day on how they have seen the hand of God in their life. I’ve taken the challenge seriously, and haven’t missed a day during the last 8 weeks :) I can honestly say after actively looking for ways that I have been blessed has changed my perspective on life, and left me in a grateful state just in time for Thanksgiving.

I encourage you to listen to Elder Eyring’s advice if you’re looking for a way to make a positive change in your life. {Here} is the talk.

Happy Thanksgiving!

It’s probably due to the fact my two oldest were both raised as only children, but I had so much freedom. I took both of them everywhere I went. After Cannon and Cruiz, my outings came to a stop. Its been a struggle for me, I’ve felt very cooped up.  I’m sure every twin mom, or anyone who has had their kids close together in age can relate, and will probably agree that shopping with your kids can be complete chaos!  With the change of cold weather, I’ve wanted to take my kids with me, instead of going by myself after I put them to bed, but I was hesitant because of the past.

First attempt.

(Ledger was thrilled to lose his spot to his younger brother :)

It didn’t go so well. 

Now that the twins are older there’s no way they are going to stay put in a moby wrap. I’ve tried putting one in the cart without being strapped down, and let’s just say I didn’t even finish my shopping before I left the store.

Second attempt.

I hauled their booster seat into the store. Though Cruiz was strapped down, I had no where to put anything. And Cruiz opened nearly every package I put on top of him. The lady who checked us out, wasn’t thrilled… oops :)

After posting on instagram, a few people shared with me the most genius product!
The Buggy Bench - designed by a twin mom.

 
   For the first time, my shopping trip went really well. (Other than my three year old throwing a tantrum on the ground…) But we all left with smiles, and that’s a first. All you desperate momma’s wanting to get out, the Buggy Bench is going to change your life.

Things I love about my Buggy Bench

• Cannon could not escape.
• Super quick and easy to attach to the cart with 4 convenient straps. 
• It hangs so I can put groceries underneath my child’s feet, this is a big deal.
• It folds down flat, and easily stores in my car. That way if I ever have to unexpectedly stop I’ll have it with me.
• It’s machine washable.
• My only negative comment is that I was stopped every few seconds for people to ask what it was and where I got it! :) But that’s nothing new, people stop me to look at my twins all the time.

I just wanted to share just in case there are any other desperate mom’s out there.
I’d definitely recommend the Buggy Bench to anyone.

I ’m thrilled to be able to take my kids and get everyone out of the house this winter.

Order your own {here}.

Each new milestone a family comes across after losing a loved one is difficult, especially holidays. We lost Preslee in July, and struggled through Halloween and Thanksgiving, but the thought of celebrating Christmas without a child, without Preslee, was unbearable. Pat and I never discussed it, but we both knew how the other felt. We didn’t decorate for Christmas that year. We later learned it was difficult for our parents to watch, they knew they wanted to help, but weren’t quite sure what to do.

 
Just days before Christmas, my dad showed up with a live, heavy, frozen tree. He had bought a tree that could be planted in the Spring, as long as it stayed frozen throughout the winter. That meant it could only be put up in our house for about three days before it unthawed. My dad was so sweet he even stopped at a craft store and bought us gold and white angel ornaments. When he arrived he called it our ‘Angel Tree,’ helped set it up and then let us decorate it. He told us it would help us incorporate Preslee into our home.
(Read original post here)

It helped immensely.

Come spring, we knew we wouldn’t live in our house forever, so we opted to have the tree planted in my parents back yard. We love watching it grow, and over the years we’ve taken family pictures in front of it.

This year, I was at my parents house canning chicken, when Ledger ran excitedly into the kitchen yelling for me. He grabbed my hand and began pulling me towards the back door, begging me to come with him. When we walked down the steps, there was Preslee’s tree lit up with Christmas lights. My dad was kind enough to include Ledger, and he couldn’t stop talking about “His sister’s tree,” for days. Even four years out, I appreciate when others make an effort to remember Preslee, even more so when they include my kids.

 
(He was so excited, he was jumping around yelling, “Look Mom!”)

If you aren’t sure how to help a family who has lost a loved one this year, this is an idea. I would have never dreamed I would still love it as much as I do.  I’ll list more affordable ideas below, but even just mentioning the person who passed away will help your grieving family members.

Other Ideas to Help a Grieving Family During Christmas.

• Buy an ornament each year in remembrance of your loved one.
• Have each child make an ornament for their sibling/parent who has passed away. (I taught a little girl who lost her sister, she told me about this one, and she loved it.)
• Complete a service project in behalf of your loved one.
• My parents buy each grandkid a book for Christmas, they still buy one for Preslee and donate it to our city library.
• Visit the cemetery and leave something for Christmas. (I love when I know others have been there).
• Write down your favorite memories of the individual who has passed away, and present it to the family.

Do you have any different ideas? If so, leave me a comment! I’d love to add it to the list!

Stunning.
Merry Christmas.

 I remember packing away Preslee’s clothes. Crying. It was excruciating realizing that my daughter’s life fit into six small bins and there wouldn’t be anything more to add to them. Pat carried each one downstairs to our basement, and just like that, our daughter’s room was empty.

Two years passed, and I did everything I could to avoid those bins. Until I accidently knocked over the pink one, and some of Preslee’s clothes spilled out. On top, laid her pink toddler boots. The tears began to fall, and I knew I still wasn’t ready to decide what to do with Preslee’s belongings, so I quickly shoved everything back inside leaving them to sit for another two years.
 

This past summer, right before Preslee’s four year Angel anniversary, I finally felt ready to open the bins. I knew I wanted to make a blanket using her clothes. Late one night after putting the kids to bed, Pat brought up each bin and I sorted through her clothes deciding what I wanted to use for the blanket. I cried through the entire process, but knowing I was starting the last task I needed to complete, took a weight off my shoulders.

I luckily have an amazing seamstress for a friend. Crazy talented! Tiffany, who runs Tiny Seamstress Designs offered to help with the project, and I am still soo grateful for all that she did! (Details below) Tiffany went above and beyond, she put a million details into the blanket, and the final result turned out better than I could have ever imagined!

Thank you Tiffany, I love you! 

She kept a few ruffles from from Preslee’s dress. (Yellow square) 

One of Preslee’s favorite books, In My Nest, by Sarah Gillingham, contained a blue bird finger puppet. While Tiffany was working on the blanket, Cannon and Cruiz destroyed the book. I was upset. Pat suggested I see if Tiffany could incorporate it into the blanket. Tiffany worked her magic and fit it in perfectly.

Tiffany kept the buttons on jacket and then sewed the coordinating onesie below. Amazing! 

A reader left me a comment sharing the idea of leaving a few tags of the size of clothing.
Tiffany left three blocks with the sizes on it. One of my favorite details on the blanket.

Tiffany came up with the idea of incorporating Preslee’s binky. I cried.
She attached the binky to ribbon and sewed it into the pocket.

Tiffany told me she envisioned this hanging in our future girls nursery above a changing table.
(We’ve gotta talk Pat into that one… :) 
So she added two pockets (up above) to make it easy to hang with a curtain rod or dowel.
I used them while taking pictures, it worked great. 

 

I can’t get over the quilting details! Along with how perfectly the three pieces of fabric tie in.

The Process

 I showed up to Tiffany’s house with a large bin of sorted clothes, I put in anything that still had meaning after four years, (There was a lot). Tiffany had different patterns waiting for me to pick from. I also brought examples that different readers had sent me, (Thank you! They helped so much!). What I learned from the different examples was that each blanket showed a different personality, so I knew whatever pattern we picked, I wanted it to scream Preslee! I also learned I wanted a quilted look to it, and wanted it to be on the smaller side. I knew if it was too large I’d pack it away because I wouldn’t know where to keep it, and after spending four years in bins, I didn’t want it to go right back in one.

As I was looking through Camille Roskelley’s book Simplify, the pattern Sweet Pea, instantly stood out. Tiffany agreed it was a good match for all the different colors of clothing we would be using. Then we got to work.

I told Tiffany I wanted to help as much as I could. The first step was to narrow what I brought down to what we would use to cut out five inch squares. Some of the fabric wouldn’t work well, so we eliminated items like swimming suits, jackets, and some dresses.

When I began cutting, I instantly panicked. I was so emotionally tied to each piece of clothing that I felt sick about the possibility of messing up. Tiffany quickly read the situation and suggested I iron the squares after she cut them out. I was incredibly appreciative, and ironed like a champ :) We didn’t finish before I needed to leave, and she asked if she could work on it while I wasn’t there. I said yes, and before I knew it she sent me a picture of all the squares cut out.

After that, there wasn’t really much I could do. I don’t sew well enough to attempt a project like this, so my job was to buy the supplies and find fabric I wanted to use. I spent hours looking for the perfect fabric. I was frustrated. I wanted it to perfectly represent Preslee. I was about to give up when I walked in to a local variety store (Abbotts) and my eyes immediately were drawn to the turquoise and pink sitting next to each other. I was ecstatic. I found three pieces that matched what I had in mind.

When Tiffany called and said it was finished, I ran over as fast as I could! All the little details are out of this world, and with all the different mismatched pieces of fabric, I find something new every time I look at it.

What I Learned

• If I would have made this blanket just following Preslee’s death, I realized I would have picked different outfits. I know I would have picked mostly 18 month – 24 month sizes, what she was wearing at the time she passed away. But four years later, I found myself picking the clothes that held strong memories. I’m really happy I waited to complete this project, (Though it wasn’t planned) because I was sure I knew what I wanted.
• I was terrified to cut up Preslee’s clothes, but when Tiffany sent me a picture of all her clothes cut into squares, I was surprised how happy they made me. I no longer saw little girl shirts, noticing how small she was when she passed away, I just saw pleasant memories. My suggestion is to have someone else cut up the clothes. It was terrible.
• I’m glad I had Tiffany to piece the blocks. It was better to have someone who wasn’t so emotionally tied to each block, and she was able to make it work.
• I think one of the reasons I subconsciously waited to make the blanket was if I had a girl I wanted to use Preslee’s clothes. But six years later, most everything was out of date. I knew if I have a girl down the road, I wouldn’t use most of it anymore. My cousin suggested I save some scraps and make bows out of them if I still want to incorporate them. I loved that idea. I left a few pieces of clothing untouched, and I plan on donating about eight dresses to Primary Children’s Hospital.

I love the finished product. I catch Ledger looking at it all the time. I’ve threatened him with his life, and explained he can look with his eyes, but can’t touch any of it, if I’m not with him. He loves asking questions about all the different pieces of clothing. I’ve also walked by the room and saw Patrick looking at it quite frequently, smiling.

For right now, it’s draped across my chair, and we’re in love with it.

Thank you Tiffany, we will always treasure it!  
 

Seamstress: Tiffany Jenkins, From Tiny Seamstress Designs.

Design: Camille Roskelley’s book Simplify, Pattern: Sweet Pea.

Fabric:Sweet Harmony, Designed by Amy Hamberlin,