Dear Preslee,

Every year I expect this to be easier, but it never is. I was doing great until I started writing this post, and now… I honestly don’t know what to say.

Six. It was six years ago that you were placed in my arms. I had no idea the future that awaited us, but I’m so glad I didn’t. Looking back, life with you was incredibly happy. There was no grief, little pain, and just new mom type of worries.

Not long ago I was talking to your dad about a friend’s little six year old girl. I told Pat, “I can’t believe she has one that old.” Then it hit me, I should too.

Yesterday, while walking down the toy isle in Target, I heard a voice ask, “Are you Ashley?” A sweet lady then  introduced herself and explained she was the first EMT responder to arrive after the Calls pulled you out of canal. And ironically, just yesterday, she clicked on a link while on FB that took her to our blog to read about the blanket we had made. We had a sweet conversation, and I’m still amazed the impact you’ve had on so many after all these years.

 
(Decorating 12/11/14)

Though today hurts, we choose to celebrate. We choose to celebrate all that you are, and I hope there’s a way to teach your brothers who you truly are. And even though the last four and a half years have been down right hard, I’d choose it over and over again. The short 18 months we had together was worth it in every way.

We love you Monkey, we’re officially four Birthdays closer to seeing you again!

Love,
       Mom

P.S. The real reason the tears began to fall last night was because I watched this slideshow. I haven’t watched it in a couple of years. The song gets me every time. Thank you Alisha and Molly!

We are soo excited for Christmas in our house!
We’ve loved having Ledger old enough to discuss why we really celebrate Christmas. He is excited to be a wise man with both of his brothers tomorrow night. And Ledger is sooo excited that Santa and his reindeer will be coming to our house in just a couple of days. We’re a little sad there isn’t any snow, but what can you do?

We kicked off our month attending our little town’s light parade. It was so fun! Main street keeps all their shops open, we were given free hot chocolate, and Ledger could not wait to see Santa for the first time this year! The parade was a perfect length for little kids, and I wish I would have recorded when Santa went by, Ledger stood completely still, did this funny little wave, and was completely star struck.

This was definitely one of the highlights of our month. Ledger had no desire to visit Santa, and therefore, we told him that Santa wouldn’t know what to bring him. In fact, Santa might accidently bring him a girl toy… Ledger nearly burst into tears and yelled, “But I don’t want a bawbee!” (Barbie) We laughed hard because we’ve never even discussed barbies with him. The next day he excitedly ran up to Santa and politely told him he would like a Dragon’s 2 Toothless toy.

We felt the picture turned out perfectly. 

We’ve had fun completing different Christmas crafts, and this is one I recommend. We decorated waffle cones with green frosting to make Christmas trees, and used candy to decorate them. They were a hit! And it was so interesting watch Cannon and Cruiz. It’s been fascinating for me to watch their differences. Cruiz tends to be more artsy, loves music, and he was so in to decorating his tree. He kept sighing and was in full concentration mode. Right next to him, Cannon just ate his candy and then reached over to finish off Cruiz’s. He didn’t do much decorating. We also introduced Jingle, our service elf. He helps us do nice things around the house, and surprisingly, I’ve loved having him.

And finally, here is our way of sharing our Christmas card with all of you! So many of you have become our friends and blessed our family in many different ways.
We hope you all have a wonderful Christmas!

Love,
The Sullengers 

P.S. I can’t stop looking at these pictures! I came home from grocery shopping yesterday to find Patrick cutting Cruiz and Cannon’s hair. There are no more curls! I nearly cried. But on the flip side, it’s much easier to tell them apart, Cannon’s big head is the obvious giveaway :)

I’m back! We had the craziest month of December, we celebrated two Birthdays, Pat graduated, celebrated Christmas with all three sets of parents, took an 8 day vacation to AZ, and as soon as we returned home, everyone got sick…and Ledger just spent the afternoon at urgent care getting stitches in his earlobe. I’m just a little bit behind, but I’ll be pumping out posts in hopes of catching up!
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December 17th marked Preslee’s sixth Birthday. Pat had a crazy schedule with multiple finals to take, so he left early that morning and made it home by mid afternoon.

 
Before Pat made it home, my friend Candee stopped by and surprised us with a cake she had made. Sorry Candee that I acted weird, I was taken off guard and was trying not to cry the entire time. My emotions surprised me. The cake was perfect and made a toddler extremely excited to celebrate his sister’s Birthday.

My Aunt Cindy and Uncle Rodd offered to babysit our kids that afternoon! We were thrilled! Not many people offer to take all three of our boys, so we were extremely grateful! Pat and I grabbed lunch at Applebee's, and  appreciated the time we had to reflect back on life with Preslee. After lunch we picked up balloons along with our boys and drove to the cemetery, laughing about how last year was a complete fail with the floating lanterns that never took flight.

My parents were waiting for us when we pulled in to the cemetery, and Ledger was overly excited to send balloons to Preslee, especially the monkey balloon we had picked out. When we parked the car, Pat opened our automatic doors and before we were even out of the car, the wind sucked the balloons out, Ledger screamed, and I sprinted as fast as I could in the snow, attempted to grab them, but came to a stop with a fence, and we all watched as they flew away. I’ll admit I cried a little over losing the balloons, along with Ledger, who immediately burst into tears (We later learned he thought it was his fault…) I was upset that once again, our visit didn’t go as planned. But like Pat always does, had me laughing in no time when he told me Preslee was probably laughing over the whole ordeal

Without balloons there wasn’t much to do in freezing temperatures, so our visit was short. 

We drove back to our house, ordered dinner, cut the cake and on our way home grabbed two more balloons to let Ledger send to Preslee. We sent them from our front step, and he loved it. I’m appreciating his excitement while it lasts :)

Later that night, my cousin Trevor and his wife stopped by with a gift which we appreciated very much. We are definitely surrounded by supportive and loving people. Thank you to all who acknowledged Preslee’s Birthday, we love you.

On December 19th, Patrick graduated! I was, and am still sooo proud of him. He didn’t want to walk, but I begged, (He’d probably say forced) him to. I felt he deserved to celebrate such a big accomplishment!
 

Pat graduated with a bachelor’s degree in Exercise Physiology.

Its been a long road for Pat, and throughout the entire process, he blew me away with his determination. School was going great for Pat, but when we lost Pres, things changed. I feel this was one of the places that affected Pat the most after her death. He struggled concentrating (Something I’ve learned is pretty common during grief/depression) He decided to take quite a bit of time off, and then changed his major. But he never gave up, and while watching him walk across that stage, I couldn’t have been more proud!
 
Ledger was thrilled to have three sets of grandparents to himself!

    
Ledger was so proud of his dad. :)

Graduation was late on a Friday night, and I could not find a babysitter! We ended up putting Can and Cruiz to bed at my parents house, and had a girl from their ward watch them. Both boys woke up just before we walked in through the door. As you can tell by their reaction, they weren’t too sure about a strange girl standing over them.
 

I’m sure many of you are wondering what’s next. Well, we are officially looking for a job. Pat hopes to work in medical sales, (Orthopedic sales, Pharmaceutical Rep, etc.). Know of any openings? :) The thought of starting the next chapter is… freeing. I feel like we’ve been a little stuck since losing Pres, and I’m excited to move forward onto something different.
  

Congrats babe, I know it frustrated you at times that it took you longer to graduate than you expected, but you should be proud. You earned your degree, while having 4 kids, burying one, pulled all nighters doing homework while feeding twins, and supported a family of six.

We are all so grateful and proud of you!
Love you!

It seems like everywhere I turn, I hear someone talking about how they are planning a trip to Disney! So I thought why not team up with one of our sponsors, Krystin Turner, (Find her here) a Disney Vacation Planning Expert to giveaway a $40 gift card to Disney Store or Disney store online. I asked Krystin a few questions, posted below, to help explain how she can help anyone planning a trip to any of the Disney Parks. I know when the boys get a little older, we’ll definitely be using Krystin to help us plan our own trip to Disneyland! 

What is a Disney Vacation Planning Expert?

I get this question all the time. People just don't quite understand what exactly it is that I do. I plan Disney vacation packages for families- although sometimes I feel like the CIA. Well don't worry- I can tell you exactly what I do.

How Much Do You Charge?

My services truly are free. No fees. No surcharges. Disney pays me a commission on what I book so you don't have to pay me a dime. Imagine how many people go on a Disney vacation each year. Now imagine how many people need help, or have questions. Disney would have the largest work force in the world if they hired enough people to plan and assist in guests vacations. Instead, there are travel agencies and travel experts like myself that are here to answer those questions for you. I am very fortunate to say that I am employed with one of the absolute best agencies, Dreams Unlimited Travel. Also please note- I am not a travel agent that will treat you any different if you are spending $2,000 or $20,000 on your trip- I am not motivated by the commission or money I make. My passion is making people happy, and ensuring they have the trip of a lifetime.
That being said. I also don't have a book of special prices- I will find you the same package price that you would get if you went on disneyworld.com or called Disney yourself.

So why would you want Krystin planning your vacation, even if it's free?
For one, there are a million options when it comes to even thinking about planning a trip. Want to know how much a trip may cost? Here's where we start:
-Party Size of your Group
-Ages of your Group (yes, there are different prices for certain ages)
-Potential Travel Dates
-Preferred Resort
-Days of Park Tickets (and do you want to park hop, have your tickets expire, etc.)
-Tickets to special events (like Mickeys Not So Scary Halloween Party)
-Dining (there are different plans that fit different needs)
And I try to do all of this while staying within a specific budget. Of course, sometimes that doesn't always work- for example, if you have a large group or family, sometimes you'll need two or more rooms...you can't fit eight people in a room that Disney only accommodates four in.

After I book your trip- for a price that accommodates your checking account, we move on to the fun trip planning.
I'll try to make sure you meet specific characters, while spending the least amount of time possible waiting in line. I want to make sure you utilize the MyFastPass+ system, so you don't miss out on a ride because you spent 4 hours waiting to meet Elsa and Anna. I'll give you specific advice on which restaurants to visit or avoid, and make reservations for you, if you desire. I'll help you navigate the My Disney Experience website and app on your phone, which can be confusing.

There's also some troubleshooting I can do for your Disney vacation. Sometimes it's the good stuff- Disney comes out with a discount for your dates, then I spend hours waiting on the phone to get you the discounted price. Sometimes my clients don't even know they qualify- so getting an email saying you saved hundreds or thousands of dollars is certainly a fun surprise. Other times its the not so good stuff- maybe you have a medical issue or family emergency before or during the trip. I'm able to provide specific on what you should do and what your best options are.
I provide an almost always available contact for something that is a very large purchase. Purchasing a Disney vacation is exciting, but it's also a risk. If you are going to invest thousands of dollars in a trip, you want to make sure you have the trip of a lifetime...no matter if you go once every thirty years, or two times a year. My job is to make sure each trip is memorable for the right reasons. And I love every minute of job.

What Disney Parks do you work with?

I plan all Disney properties- Walt Disney World, Disney Cruise Line, Disneyland, Adventures by Disney, as well as Universal.

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Christmas Eve

We celebrated Christmas Eve with Dorsie and Terry (Pat’s dad and step mom). We ate a fabulous dinner, and just as we were finishing up, there was a knock on the door. I wish I would have had my video setting recording, because Santa walked in, and all the kids went crazy! Ledger began talking too fast to understand and jumping around, and Sawyer started spitting out every fact he knew about Santa. It was adorable. Santa talked to each kid individually, and gave them each a toy. I was extremely surprised when Santa called my name... and Pat, even more than me :) He brought each adult a thoughtful gag gift, along with a gift card we all appreciated.


Cannon in red, Cruiz in blue.

All the kids love Uncle Wyatt!
 

Santa brought me two helping hands :)

The adults held a white elephant exchange, it was hilarious! By far the best I’ve ever participated in. (Remind me to share details for all of you next year). Then we had the kids act out the Nativity scene. Ledger surprised us by taking his role very seriously, and my heart about burst out of my chest when he leaned over and gave “Baby Jesus” a kiss on the forehead. It’s those moments when you realize our daily scripture study had paid off. Cannon and Cruiz mimicked the older kids and even sat reverently.

I felt the Sullenger boys represented the Three Wise Men quite well.

Ledger being his clumsy self :)

We drove home while it was snowing (Yay, snow for Christmas!) and let the boys all open their Christmas jammies (Avengers theme). We told Ledger when he woke up the next morning, he had to come in to our room before anywhere else. Pat even put up the baby gate to stop him. Ledger eagerly jumped into bed because he knew Santa wouldn’t come unless he was asleep. Oh and picked up his room as well, he remembered me saying Santa likes boys who keep their room clean :)

I wanted to document the baby gate that didn’t help very much… Haha

Christmas Morning

About 8:00 Christmas morning, (Yes, the one day for our kids to sleep in!) I was laying in bed waiting for our kids to wake up, when I heard the baby gate being torn down, I jumped up and grabbed the back of Ledger’s shirt as he raced towards the Christmas tree and pulled him into our room. He didn’t quite make it into our front room, but got a glimpse of one of the presents Santa left. He immediately began yelling, “Little City People Skyway! Mom, Santa brought us Little People City Skyway!”


Waiting in our bed while we woke up his brothers.

This year my goal was to make it simple, and I can honestly say this Christmas was amazing. The twins mimicked Ledger’s excitement and we had three excited boys running around shrieking with joy. Ledger ran around flying his Toothless Dragon (How to Train Your Dragon 2) and Cannon and Cruiz ran around in their capes and masks with their McQueen sippy cups. Aw, my heart was incredibly full, and it was the first year my grief didn’t take over that day.

 
Cannon – Captain America, Cruiz – The Hulk


Santa found the neatest Toothless. He has a blue laser that shoots out of his mouth, along with mist… Not sure who likes him more, Ledger or his Dad.

 
A month later, Ledger still talks about Christmas daily at our house. 
There wasn’t any snow the morning before! 
My parents made the drive to eat breakfast with us. Thank you! The roads hadn’t been plowed yet. We ate amazing Eggnog French Toast and Biscuits and Gravy. Our boys were thrilled to show Grandma, Grandpa, and Uncle Rhett their gifts.

Christmas Afternoon

Once my parents left, we got ready to head to Patrick’s mom’s house. Michele cooked an awesome Christmas dinner, and Ledger was thrilled to hang out with cousin Ivy two days in a row. Michele and Layne gave Ledger two Ninja Turtles, which surprisingly replaced his three year Lightening McQueen obsession. He hasn’t put the toys down since and has been referring to himself as Mikey aka Michelangelo.  

Cannon in the solid, Cruiz in stripes!
  
Missing Kash, Cara, and their kids.

We were so blessed this Christmas season. To the anonymous person who sent us an envelope in the mail, we thank you! We are so grateful for your kindness.

Thank you to the Beckstrands, the Browns, and the Reams for sending us the Christmas decorations, we love you!

The winner of the Disney gift card is Trisha Larson! Congratulations!
Be on the lookout for an e-mail :)

Emotions are all over the place this month, due to the fact my two youngest are 18 months. Can you believe it? Eighteen months. There are moments during each day that I’m reminded about how I only had a couple more weeks left with their older sister when she was their same age.

It just wasn’t long enough.

But I’m grateful it isn’t as painful this time around as it was with Ledger. I’m still anxious, and after talking with other Angel Mom’s, I think it’s common to feel this way. Hopefully my anxiety will subside when they reach 19 months.

When Ledger reached 14 months, I decided to have pictures taken of him at the same age Preslee’s last set were taken. I knew my kids would grow up, and eventually Preslee’s picture’s will look outdated. I wanted the option of having all my kids’ pictures at the same age. So I scheduled pictures for Can and Cruiz, but life got in the way and we had to put them off for a couple months, but we got them!

The process of getting two toddlers to cooperate wasn’t easy, while I tried to get one to smile, the other was destroying the photographers house… but I’m so happy with how they turned out :) Don’t they look completely different with their long hair? Aw, I’m glad I captured their curls before Pat cut them.

Thank you Kassie Crapo Photography for capturing their personalities so perfectly.
(Cannon in the red, Cruiz in the blue)

All four within a couple months - I can’t wait for the day Pat and I will get to see them all together.

It’s hard to believe that after we experienced many Sundays like {this}, a miracle occurred a few days ago. For the past year and half, Sunday has been the dreaded day of the week in our home, the stress sets in Saturday night and ends when the boys are officially put down for their naps.

But, it being the first Sunday that Cannon and Cruiz could officially attend nursery by themselves, along with Ledger’s first week in Primary as a sunbeam, (We’re a few weeks behind, we’ve all been sick) I not only attended all of my meetings, but the nursery leader only grabbed Pat once to ask which boy was which :) Haha name tags were needed.

When I picked up Ledger, (I’ve been extremely nervous about how he will handle Primary) they exclaimed he was great, and he sang a solo of “I Love to See the Temple.” When I asked him about it, he exclaimed, “Yeah, they only let me sing it two times, not three…”

I never thought I’d live to see the day.

With a two hour break, Sundays might just become my favorite day of the week :)

Oh, how my heart goes out to this family!
What an incredible example of moving forward in faith.
Battling cancer, while raising triplets - two with disabilities, this lady is an inspiration, and I’m sure could use all the support in the world.

 “We are just your average people—simple and normal (if there is such a thing!), but we are fighting extraordinary battles.  We will survive, I know, but we need your help.  Please keep us in your prayers.  Life is still beautiful despite the scars.”

Click {here} to learn more about Patricia Parkinson Glenn

For Christmas, Dorsie and Terry gave us a trip to Arizona along with tickets to watch Boise State play in the Vizio Fiesta Bowl. To say Pat was excited was an understatement. Kash, Pat’s brother, recently moved to Gilbert, and weren’t able to come home for Christmas, so we were excited to visit!

We left the 27th due to weather conditions, we had an early flight the next morning. We flew out of SLC so it was a 3 1/2 hour drive. Thanks to new working car DVD player we received for Christmas, the drive went great. Ledger fell asleep, and woke up car sick which led him to throwing up everything he had eaten on the way down…. Awesome :)

The hotel only had one pack n play, so we put Cruiz in it on the other side of a wall so he couldn’t see that Cannon was sleeping in bed with me. All the kids did pretty great. We had an early flight, which made for an early morning. We were quite the sight lugging three kids, all of our luggage, and car seats, I felt grateful we had Dorsie and Terry there to help.

Did you know there are only four oxygen masks in a row on an airplane? We didn’t. So with Ledger, Pat, and myself in a seat, and the twins on our laps, they made Pat move right before take off. I’ll admit I had a slight moment of panic, but for the most part, the boys did great, it was only an 2 1/2 hour flight. Ledger sat happily next to the window excited to be on his first airplane ride.

Let’s talk about Arizona! Seriously, I told Pat to look for a job there! The weather is amazing, (I know, it’s hot during summer months…) but it was amazing to show up to Kash and Cara’s and throw the kids in the back yard to play! They spent a lot of time there over the next eight days. (Yes, eight days!) And I spent a lot of time just soaking up the sun. Grandma stole the show with “Game on!” She played dodge ball the kids and they begged her every second she was there to play. Ledger talked for days about how much fun he had with Grandma.

One of the first days there Cara and I attempted to walk with all six kids to the park just a couple of blocks away. What usually takes Cara ten minutes, took us literally a half hour. It was pure chaos due to Ledger not knowing how to ride a bike and being determined to ride one. (He has a stryder one without pedals) We only attempted it one time, and we left pretty quickly after Cruiz came running over with a horrible bloody nose. It was quite the walk back home, Ledger determined to figure out how to ride the bike, Roxie pushing him, Cruiz crying in the stroller, you get the point. :)

In SE Idaho, we don’t have a lot of things to do. One of my favorite things about AZ was there was so much to do with kids! We visited the Science Museum. Ledger hasn’t stopped talking about the bones in our body and earthquakes since.

New Years Eve was the day of the big game! I was incredibly excited to attend my first college Football game! Pat’s been to many, but I’ve always stayed home with the kids. We hired two babysitters, and took off for the day since it was an afternoon game. (It was such a fun break!) We had great seats, I was surprised how many Boise fans made their way to AZ, and Boise played a great game – it was close, but ended up with the win! But the highlight of the entire day was watching Pat and his Dad. Oh my goodness! I had to agree with Cara, just watching Pat and his dad was worth going for. By the end of the game, Pat had made friends with everyone around us, and the drunk guy in front of us loved to turn around and talk to Pat about each play. Haha

  
Pat had a permanent smile the entire time.
 

The first time Boise State scored, it honestly startled me the way Pat started screaming and complete strangers turned around and screamed in my face hoping for a high five… then I burst out laughing. I know Pat lost his voice, and I’m sure Dorsie did too. It was fun to watch Pat have such fun time. Cara recorded the second time Boise State scored, I absolutely love Dorsie’s fist pump when he thinks nobody is watching. 

Thank you Dorsie and Terry for taking us to the game, it was so much fun!

(Click {here} for Part 1)

Dorsie and Terry left earlier than we did, and on their last day in AZ we headed to the zoo. It’s much larger than our tiny one in Idaho Falls, so we all enjoyed it. It was a really cold day! Cara insisted Pat and I jump on the random animal below, she said it was a tradition. Pat was so embarrassed. :)

One thing I loved about AZ, was their amazing parks! When Kash had to work, Cara took us to the cutest park to play on the toys, feed the ducks, and let the kids ride the carousel. While feeding the ducks, one walked right up to Hudson and scared the poor kid to death… haha It was pretty funny, we’re still laughing.

I can’t even explain how fun our week there was. We’re already saving the money we don’t have to visit again. (We’re still job hunting!) I loved watching our kids play, getting to know Owen, (We had only seen him once) late night game nights, and the fact I gained about 5 pounds because Cara is the best host. Seriously, she cooks amazing food! It was unreal, and I’m already dreaming of her crepes, Pat’s Birthday Tres Leches Cake, and chocolate ice cream.

 

First day of Sunbeams for Ledger and Roxie!

Cara watched the kids so Pat and I could attend the Gilbert Temple, it was beautiful! 
   
Roxie loves makeup, and watched me get ready every morning. She found some lipstick when I wasn’t looking :)

We ate at Organ Stop Pizza. A guy plays the organ while you eat pizza. So random, but the kids loved it!
 
Pat is still talking about Top Golf! It’s like bowling for golf, you try to hit targets. I was really good at hitting all the targets I wasn’t aiming for!
    

Thank you Dorsie and Terry for such an unforgettable trip!
Kash and Cara for letting us take over your house for eight days!
We love you!

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The flight home.

(I’m recording all the details for my memory)

We were ready for the plane ride home and had a game plan. We knew we couldn’t sit by each other, so we were ready to fight for seats across the isle from each other. (We flew Southwest so there weren’t assigned seats).

I’ll be honest, the airport was stressful, but we survived! I purposely dressed the twins in matching bright orange outfits to help me spot them easily, (They are in the running away phase), which also led to many “Oh, are they twins?” conversations. We chased boys the ENTIRE time. Pat and I were both exhausted by the time we boarded the plane and I repeatedly swore to each boy that they would be attached to me by one of those kid leashes/harnesses next time we go anywhere if they didn’t stop…they didn’t listen. :)

   

 The plane was late arriving, (About an hour and a half) so it made for a long wait in the airport. It consisted of lots of walks and riding the escalator. It didn’t take long for our boys to make friends, and a few little boys made their way over to ours and were playing Ninja Turtles together. I genuinely appreciated the sweet old man and his wife who who repeatedly told me how beautiful my boys were and didn’t seem to notice the chaos.

We boarded the plane, and I about cried with happiness that nobody wanted to sit by three kids. We ended up with empty seats by both Pat and I! I strapped Cannon in the middle seat in between Ledger and I, and Pat held Cruiz across the isle. The flight home went much smoother than the first. Other than Cruiz had a blowout on Pat, it’s always happens to Pat.. haha (If you fly, always pack extra clothes and a ziplock!) I had packed an extra onesie, but no pants. When we landed in cold UT, I got quite a few glares carrying around a toddler without pants in a cold airport. Sorry Cruiz!

While waiting for our luggage the boys caught a second wind. It was late, and had sat still for too long.

We were that family…
Three boys running in three different directions, (one without pants) Patrick was concentrating on grabbing our luggage, so I was left to tend the kids. Cannon and Cruiz worked together, one would distract me, while the other ran for it. The first time, I was unprepared and while I chased Cruiz, Cannon successfully climbed on the luggage carousel and rode it for a few seconds before I grabbed him. Simultaneously Ledger ran after Cruiz who I had put down and tackled him, which led to two boys in tears and one with a bloody nose. After 20 minutes of chaos, (I’m not exaggerating)  I was nearly in tears myself and had everyone around us staring at me, (I vow to be a lady who offers to help instead of stares, nobody offered to help!) but we finally found all of our bags.

The boys and I then made our way outside to wait for our shuttle, while Pat worked on getting eight pieces of luggage out to us. I dug through the boys’ bag until I found pants for Cruiz and had absolutely no control over any of my children. A lady who was working came and yelled at them for me… Haha As weird as it sounds I was grateful, she startled them so bad that they actually listened to her… for about a minute.

And I later learned the man who was waiting for the same shuttle had a conversation with Pat, who was holding Cruiz, as I was threatening the other two to not get off the bench…

Man:“Triplets?”
Pat: ”No, Twins, and one two years older."
Man: Chuckles, “I’m an identical twin, with a brother two years older.”
Pat: Laughs. “Oh really? Any advice?”
Man: As he looks at all the boys, “Yeah, stop now. My parents couldn’t handle us, let alone another one.”

Haha Shoot.
(No, this isn’t announcement :)

It surprised me.
It threw me off guard.
I didn’t even realize what it was until it passed.

My two youngest turned 18 months, and anxiety and grief took over.
I retracted.
I avoided phone calls.
I rarely blogged.
Just the thought of two new church callings about did me in.
Everything in life was overwhelming.

The day before the boys turned 19 months, the same age their sister passed away, I became extremely angry. Angry that Preslee was taken so quickly. Angry that I didn’t have a six year old in our home.
Anxiety sunk in and I couldn’t or wouldn’t let the boys out of my sight.

And then it hit me.

I had been dealing with grief for an entire month without realizing it.
I was left in a stupor, haven’t I done this all before with Ledger?

I had.

Hasn’t it been five years?

It has.

Then why am I reacting this way?
I then directed my own anger towards myself.

How did I allow myself to struggle for an entire month?
How did I not know why I was so short and moody?
Why was I struggling five years later, the second time around?

That’s when I remembered - 
that grief will forever be apart of my life.

And though my pride often gets in the way, this is why I continue to write.
I hope to let others know that five years later, grief still affects people, even without them knowing so.

So please be gentle and be kind to those who have lost someone they love.
Because we still have nights we cry ourselves to sleep, due to an aching heart.

And to end on a happier note, three days ago, my heart was, and still is, filled with an extreme amount of gratitude. I spent the day listening to two little hearts beat, kissing every inch of their perfect identical faces, and thanking my Heavenly Father that I was still a mom, and not walking in to an empty silent house.

I have so much to be grateful for,
especially two 19 month old little boys.

 
Back in August, we participated in the F2TF 5K, where over 70 family members and family friends ran for Team Preslee. While we were there, each team was encouraged to put together a Giving Tree, and deliver it to a person in need.

Last Fall we were saddened to learn that one of Pat’s friends from high school had a little boy named Miles who had just been diagnosed with cancer. Here’s a little snippet of Miles’ story.

Miles' parents took him to the pediatric emergency room after a week of fever and tummy pain. After an ultrasound found a large tumor near his kidney, he was admitted to the Pediatric Dept. at Banner Thunderbird Hospital. Through the week of tests they discovered the cancer to be Neuroblastoma with a main tumor larger than a softball grown next the his adrenal gland. The tumor was too large, well supplied by blood vessels and entangled around his aorta to remove during his biopsy surgery. Further tests show his bone marrow and skull to be infected as well. Miles’ cancer is the most aggressive type with a current survival rate of 40-60%. Miles has recently been undergoing chemotherapy and will have marrow transplants, radiation and other therapies once the tumor has decreased to a manageable size.

We immediately knew we wanted to deliver a tree to Miles and his family, but living in AZ, it made it difficult. I applied with F2TF, was approved, and received everything I needed to put one together. We then waited a few months (We didn’t know how to get it to them) until my Aunt Cindy called and said they were driving to AZ and had room to take the tree with them. We were thrilled and it was delivered just last week.

Putting the three together was a positive experience. Miles is Ledger’s age, so I involved Ledge as much as I could. I asked him what he thought would make Miles happy, and he immediately replied “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toys!” So we made TMNT a priority :)

Here are pictures my Aunt sent me from AZ.

   
What’s on the Giving Tree? Anything For a Friend matches $500 along with donations people on Team Preslee gave (Thank you!) We folded cash into butterflies and hung them, along with gift cards, toys, and inspirational quotes. We were told to incorporate Preslee, so we added pink necklaces (He has a little sister we felt could play with them) and a couple of monkeys, because we call Pres Monkey.


(Clayton Mortensen, and Miles)

We are still praying Miles, and are his biggest fans!
“Let’s Go Miles!”
 

To learn more about Miles,
click {here} to visit his Facebook page.
And {here} to donate.

Click {here} to learn more about Anything For a Friend
Thank you for allowing us to be apart of your organization!

For a couple years now, I’ve watched my SIL Cara throw a “Favorite Things” Party with her friends. I finally decided I wanted to throw one myself. 

 How it Works: The whole point to the party is to learn what products other people love. Usually, the person hosting the party sends out invites, sets a price limit, and explains how many gifts to bring, along with their favorite treat.

Well, my house isn’t nearly big enough, and along with my New Years Resolution: To Simplify! I decided to hold the party at Pizza Pie Cafe. I booked their events room and it turned out perfect. All you can eat pizza, salad, and pasta. No cleaning, prepping, cooking, or stressing. It was just grab your gifts and get out of the house as fast as you can kind of night!

I asked the girls to bring two gifts, each costing $10, so $20 total. (Pick any price range your friends can afford, many pick 3 gifts at $5 a piece) Upon arriving, I asked each girl to write their name on two pieces of paper, fold it, and put them into a bowl. We later used the names to draw for who would get each gift.

We then grabbed food, and chatted for awhile.

We then went around the room and explained each gift and why it is our favorite. Then we went around the room and drew two names, and those people received our gift.

It was fun to see what people love, and I discovered quite a few new products.

• Our Favorite Things included:
  
• I  brought -  Artisan Non-Stick Silicone Baking Mat + Favorite Method cleaner from Target.
• Wackee Six Card Game
• Punch cards to favorite workout classes.
• Favorite Cookbook
• Maybelline New York Baby Skin Instant Pore Eraser Primer + a cute decorative bowl
• Eos Lip Balm + a decorative bowl
• Banana Boat Summer Color Self Tanning Mist
•  Maybelline New York Baby Lips + Nail Polish + Leave in conditioner
• Gift certificate to Kiwi Loco + nail polish
• Scarf + Maybelline New York Baby Lips + Liquid Eyeliner
• Kenra Hair Spray
• Soft Stretch Cable Knit Slouchy Beanie
• Favorite Kitchen cleaner + kitchen gloves + favorite kitchen spoons
• Scarf + Chocolate
• Hair Spray + Argon Oil

We all had so much fun we decided to make it an annual party. As the host, I also added another drawing, where two girls went home with a caramel apple from the Carmel Tree, which is a local little shop in Rigby.
Their caramel apples are to die for!

I went home with Wackee Six and kitchen cleaner, gloves, and spoons.
Since then I’ve bought the baby lips chapstick and am obsessed!

Free Printable
I made these gift tags up for the party, and thought why not share them?
Click here to download my “Favorite Things” gift tags.

PatrickSuper dad. Night owl. Spends his time searching for jobs. Church baller.
Currently serving as a substitute teacher in our ward.

Ashley

Recently discovered Gilmore Girls. Hummus lover. Nightly sessions at the gym keep her sane.
Smoothie maker. Just made Chairman of the Publications Committee at church.

Preslee

Angel. Has a curious three year old brother who asks questions about every aspect of her life. Teacher.
Continues to be her parent’s “anchor in heaven.”

Ledger

Sunbeam. Obsessed with Ninja Turtles, Avengers, and Transformers. Begs to wear one of his three TMNT shirts every. single. day. Loves taking hot showers all by himself, and begs for Family Home Evening every.single.night.

Cannon

Mr. Independent. Loves to climb and finds a way onto a chair every time mom cooks. Instigator.
Somehow manages to steal anybody's hat that he comes in contact with.

Cruiz

Music lover. Banana eater. Spends his time climbing on top of the couch, looking out the window for “Kitty kitty,” aka animals. Recently discovered TV. (Hallelujah!)

 Pog

Pillow hog. TV watcher. Went to the vet, and was told she was a little a lot overweight, but extremely healthy. As the vet gushed on and on explaining why she was so healthy, Pat became extremely proud, and Ashley became a little disappointed - realizing she might have a shedding dog forever. But a new goal was set to walk the dog, which happens…occasionally :)

Twins – Most kids at this age aren’t too aware of other kids. They tend to parallel play, but don’t have a lot of interaction with kids their age. But Cannon and Cruiz play all day with each other. That part makes life easier, they don’t tend to get bored and follow me around. I love that they are usually genuinely happy for one another. They are starting to share without me coaxing them to do so. They love giving each other kisses and hugs (along with punches) And when an adult makes the other laugh, the other is incredibly happy for their brother and then will line up thinking it’s his turn. Don’t get me wrong, they fight, quite a bit, but they certainly love each other. Just today I caught them holding hands while in their cribs :)

Schedule
Wake up 7:30 – 8:30 AM,
Play/destroy,
Lunch at 12:00 PM,
Afternoon nap
Wake up 2:30-3:00 PM
Dinner at 5:30 PM (They fall apart at 5:00 without food, I’m slowly moving dinner back)
Bathtime after dinner when dad can help
Bedtime 7:00 PM

These boys are by far the neediest in the morning. There’s just not enough of me to go three ways. So I’ve started throwing them into bed with me, turning on a show and cuddling for a few minutes. Seems to help.

Sleep– Bedtime in our home is 7:00 PM. (Usually sleep until 7:30 – 8:00) We have three boys sleeping in one room and it’s usually a party for about an hour after being put to bed. (It’s annoying, but I secretly love it, being the only girl I never shared a room) Ledger usually falls asleep first, and then the boys tend to switch off. One boy will usually fall asleep quite quickly, and then the other will stay up and let out a scream that means, “Wake up brother!” Last week it was Cannon staying up, and this week it’s Cruiz, they usually tend to switch.  Cannon is a crazy wild sleeper and wakes himself up multiple times a night, due to sleeping horizontally in his bed, and can’t stretch out. He cries until we come flip him the other way. Cruiz on the other hand is a champ, pulls his blanket over his head every single night and sleeps about 13-14 hours straight.

Teeth– Both boys have their four front top and bottom, and molars. It seems like the rest are breaking through together which will finish off their teeth.

Big Boys– They still haven’t been in for their 18 month check up, it’s scheduled at the end of this week. But the last time we checked, they both weighed 25 pounds. They are wearing 2T clothing, and 3T shirts aren’t all that big. They are solid boys, and have the biggest, thickest feet. I have trouble getting their chubby feet into most of their shoes, where Ledger’s feet are so narrow they rarely stay on. We keep telling Ledger he needs to be nice, because two big boys against one skinny little thing might be rough. Good thing Ledge is fast :)

 Discipline—I remember being a kid and getting in trouble with my brothers was always sooo much better than getting in trouble by myself. Having my brothers next to me, taking 1/2 or even 2/3’s of my mother’s wrath always made it seem less scary. Can you relate? Well this is why I’ve decided Cannon and Cruiz are so naughty! Haha We love them, but they love to push us to our limits. Think about it, since day one, they have done everything together and always get in trouble together. So I’ve been doing my best to discipline them by themselves, but lets be honest, disciplining one, and letting the other one wait doesn’t work too well. So recently, while they go to timeout, I’ve been putting one in their crib and the other in my room in their booster. Cannon looks thrilled up above, doesn’t he?

 
Cruiz, Cannon 

Diapers– They’ve been in size 5 diapers for nearly a year now, and will usually fill their diaper within 10 minutes of each other. When I change a messy diaper, the boys hate it. So the other brother (the one not getting his diaper changed) runs to find a toy to give to the other, hands it to them, then slaps their belly and tries to say the word, “Belly button!” which comes out more like “ba ba.”  I love it. After trying all the diapers out there, my favorite brand after the newborn stage is Target, a question I’m asked quite frequently.

Clockwise, Ledger, Cruiz, Cannon
My attempt to have them take their energy out on my kitchenware, rather than each other!

Destructive Human Beings– I’ve been told having twins is like having 5 kids at a time, I didn’t understand until a few months ago. but they are so destructive! They work together to destroy whatever is in sight in a total of about two minutes. It took about one minute for them to find a grocery bag filled with toiletry items. One boy shredded the toothpaste box and squeezed it all over the kitchen, while the other was opening the shampoo as I walked in. They climb book shelves, one grabs the books throws them to the other, and that kid bends them at the spine, then puts his teeth on it and tears the spine right off. (It’s the weirdest thing, and makes me incredibly made :) They’ve broken more items that have been placed “Out of reach” than you can imagine. The moral of the story, nothing is safe in our home.

Ledger and Cruiz.
Ledger is soo nice to both his brothers, we’ve had to tell him it’s okay to give it back to them every once in awhile :)

Personalities

Cannon – Is by far my most independent child and likes to push the limits. He is curious, and has taken on the term “seek and destroy” all by himself. Cannon loves to eat! He loves food, eats almost anything, and loves being in the kitchen while I cook. He struggles being in public by himself without his brothers, he doesn’t like when people focus on him (He lets Cruiz play it up). He’s always on the go, but at least one time each day, he’ll climb on my lap and grab my hands and place them around his little belly. If I move them, he grabs them again, and puts them back where they were. He doesn’t usually sit very long, but those few minutes have easily become my favorite of every day.

Cannon currently says: Mama, Dada, yes, no-no! banana, hi, bye, and vroom-vroom.

Cruiz – Has recently decided he likes TV, though it isn’t usually for very long, it helps!  He went through a stage where didn’t eat very well, unless I fed him, but he’s starting to come out of that. He gets major anxiety in public right now, especially when he is without his brother. (I’m trying to separate them more, to help them become more of an individual). He started out the slower speaker, which was normal due to have tubes put in his ears, but suddenly has taken off.

Cruiz currently says: Mama, Dada, Ledger, Can Can, Grandma, car, night night, kitty, tree, banana.

Boys, we sure do love you!
Thank you for keeping us on our toes.

Dear Sledgehammer,

Sometimes I wish I could stop time. And continually bask in days like today.

As a three year old, you are continually working on adding words to your vocabulary, and come up with some of the funniest things. You still adore me, and continually ask me if one day you can marry me. You are incredibly affectionate, you love receiving hugs, and just today, made it a point to jump off your scooter and plant a quick kiss on my cheek and yell out “I love you, Mom!” multiple times.

We played hard, you scooted around town, and my heart is incredibly full.

And just because you haven’t stopped talking about our treat today…we’re big Jimmy Fallon fans in our house. You have an Uncle Jamie and used to get Jimmy and Jamie mixed up, so somehow Jimmy Fallon became Uncle Jimmy. (Got that?) Anyway, after collapsing on the grass, and exclaiming, “I’m so tired!” I grabbed two spoons, some ice cream, (The Tonight Dough is amazing!) sat down on our front steps and we dug in. You were squealing with delight over the fact we were eating out of the carton, and suddenly asked: 

L:Where did you get this?
A:Broulims (local grocery store)
L:Uncle Jimmy mailed it to Broulims for us?
A:Yep.
L: Uncle Jimmy is the best!

I never want to forget my TMNT lover, scooter ridin’, uncle jimmy lovin’ three year old little boy.

Love,
             Momma

I spent the afternoon baking a big ol’ batch of these babies with my boys, I look forward to them every Easter. (They’re really that good.) The boys and I spent the afternoon delivering them to a few friends and neighbors, including Ledger’s primary teachers’ , I haven’t seen him that excited in ages. “Thank you for being my teacher!” He then proceeded to tell her which cookie she could eat, (I quickly learned he thought we were all going to sit down and eat them together.

But he was still excited as he hopped all the way back to the car.

I love this time of year, mainly because I love Easter. I love everything that it stands for, and feel blessed to be able to celebrate it.

I feel like Ledger is finally old enough to start some fun traditions, just wondering what traditions you look forward to each year? Religious or more Easter Bunny themed, I’d love to hear what makes your Easter special.

Cookie recipe {here}
Easter Inspiration {here}

I’m extremely proud of this guy. 

The past few months have been incredibly stressful as we’ve searched for a job, but last week Pat was offered a job for ADP AdvancedMD in South Jordan, UT. (His office is next to IKEA, yay!) Yes, we’re moving to Utah! He’ll be helping private medical practices with their medical software and is really excited about his job.

Its a little bittersweet, we’ve lived in the same house for the past 7 years and our entire marriage, and we’re moving away from family, (What am I going to do without my mom?) I know, I know, we’re only a few hours away from home  :) But everything fell into place perfectly and we feel this is where we’re supposed to be.

The next step is to find a place to rent, somewhat close to South Jordan. Any ideas? We’d appreciate any leads! Pat starts mid May so we have about a month and half to pack up.

We’re EXTREMELEY excited to start this new chapter in life.

Utah here we come!